But don’t worry, voters. Not only does this self-proclaimed “battle-tested leader” who’s “ready to be Commander-in-Chief on Day One” have a plan to wipe out all the “Radical Islamic Extremists,” but Graham is also planning ahead for some foo-foo arm candy to mop and dust about the White House and wink at all the major media at presidential social events.
"I’ve got a lot of friends. We’ll have a rotating First Lady."
And should the stock room fall shy of Jackie Os and Nancys, you still need not worry, because he’s got a backup plan, too:
"Well, I’ve got a sister. She could play that role if necessary."
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See? So don’t be concerned about missing dancing partners at presidential balls. Lindsey’s got that covered with not just a First Lady, but a second, third, fourth … and even a First Sister! Instead, you just direct your attention to the fact that, as Graham says in mail-outs to his constituents, “Radical Islamic terrorists want to kill us!” And you can just let his manliness take care of that.
To address this topic more seriously, Graham wouldn’t be the first never-married man to take the Oval Office. Both James Buchanan (1857-1861) and Grover Cleveland (1885-1889 and 1893-1897) were single at the times of their elections. (Well, Cleveland did get married during his first term, though, and Buchanan is documented by many historians to have been the first gay president … not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
And when you add in all the fear flames his campaign keeps stoking, his “rotating” First Ladies better be, like … Wonder Woman style.